Becoming Greek(er)

You know, I've always considered myself to be Greek. I've never called myself Australian. I'm not sure why. Of course, when you're a kid, you don't really think about these sorts of things. But I remember asking myself one day "if I had to play for a national soccer team, would I play for Australia or Greece?" - a question that I took very seriously. "Of course you'd play for Greece," my sister reassured me. She was right, too. However, having grown up in Australia, some things about me just weren't quite right. I could never put my finger on it, but there was always something there, something you can't name, but can feel. I'm going to call it unGreekness. Now I know what you're thinking: surely that can't be right, not Mark, this must be a mistake. But alas, it is the truth. There have always been a few things about me that have been fundamentally unGreek. The things that I am talking about may seem insignificant or trivial to a xeno, but to a Greek, make that a true Greek, they are of unfathomable importance. By no means was I the only one lacking crucial Greek ingredients. Having attended a Greek highschool I can tell you that there are many unGreeks. But you should not despair, for there is hope. I am living proof. Keep reading my Australian friends, and Greeks, you too will benefit from the reminders that lie ahead. I invite you all on a journey with me as I take you through Marko's guide to becoming Greeker.

1. Now, as you probably know, my girlfriend Hellas and I have been together for a little over 5 years. If, my friends, you feel any doubt (no matter how small) re: your Greekness, the first step, your main goal, your number one priority, your goal in life is... to go out and find yourself a woman. Not just any woman. Just any woman will not do. You need a hot woman. You need a fast woman. You need a passion woman. You need an emotion woman. You need a Greek woman. And they don't come any Greeker than a woman named Hellas. She is Greece! Once you've got one, move on to step 2.
   
   
2. If you're really gonna be Greek, you're gonna need to learn how to eat. Don't start telling me you know how to eat already. You don't. Do you eat souvlaki (do not call it meat on a stick)? Do you eat taramosalata (do not call it pink fish egg dip)? Do you eat tzatziki (do not call it garlic sauce)? Do you eat olives? Do you eat feta cheese? Do you eat octopus? Is your table covered with a tablecloth? Do you marinate everything with lemon, garlic, olive oil and oregano? Do you eat bread with every meal? I'm not talking about Tip Top, I mean real bread. Do you tear the bread with your hands? Do you put the bread in your food? Do you eat yoghurt? Ski doesn't count, I mean real yoghurt? Do you eat bougatsa?
   If you answered "No" to any of the above questions read very carefully: you do not know how to eat. But don't lose heart. There is hope. Remember that woman you went out and got in Step 1? Well, she will slowly make you try all of the foods that you don't eat. Before you know it, you will be eating tarama, olives and tzatziki like a Greek native. It's a good thing, it will put hair on your chest. Once you've given up the battered savs and chiko rolls, move on to step 3.
   
   
3. Ok, up to this point it's been pretty easy. Finding a woman isn't the hardest thing in the world, and learning to eat is a simple behaviour modification exercise. However, this next step is the hardest of all. It is so difficult that I have broken it down into subsections. It is difficult because it is so internalised by all Greeks that it may be difficult for unGreeks to learn. As an overall characteristic of Greekness, I will call it manner. The first element (or subsection) of Greek manner is learning to use a complex system of hand gestures to complement every word that is coming out of your mouth. These movements should be sudden, far reaching, and occurring frequently. Two Greek people in a tight space such as an elevator will not speak to each other because there isn't sufficient arm room. So far, it has taken me about six hours to type up this post exactly because I am trying to gesture with my arms while typing. This skill is very difficult to master. My advice is to try to observe Greek people while they are talking and monitor their hand gestures closely. It is advisable that you find a Greek person speaking on a phone as they will most certainly be gesturing but won't be moving about too much, giving you time to take down notes.
   
   The second element of Greek manner is intonation. I can not emphasise how important intonation is. Whenever you are mad, excited, happy, proud, worried, confused, hungry, full, disgusted, or turned on, there is a corresponding Greek intonation that must be followed very strictly.
   
   The final element that will be described in this guide is learning the many strange Greek sayings. Greek has an idiom for everything. While there are too many to list here, I will provide you with a few of my favourites, translated into English, accompanied by English descriptions. I hope this guide has been helpful to you. The take home message is that it's never too late, no matter how Australian you are. Together we can make the world a Greeker place.

• at the devil's mum - a place far away
• your bad weather - I don't care much for your opinions or wants
• three are singing, two are dancing - something's not right / that's insane
  
• it fucks - I really like it / I think it's really good
• like a vagina hat - not feeling the best
• I come from the city, and at the mountain cinnamon - we're having trouble communicating
• as much as the goat pees - a little bit
• it's raining over there - this guy's got no clue
• you explode a donkey - you're quite challenging to communicate with
• I shat myself - I couldn't care less
• chairlegs are falling - it's raining heavily
• to bite the metal - to fall in love
• you stepped on the cat - you made an error
• devil black - I can't believe it
• the bad time's - not good / jinxed / evil
  
• the prostitute's baluster - chaos / havoc
• I'll fart on your balls - I don't like you much / I may hurt you
• I'll break you at wood - I will bash you
• you've taken a lot of air - you're speaking disrespectful
  

Contact Marko

Over the past few days, I have been communicating with my cousin Markos Ntasios from Thessaloniki using Google Talk and Skype. This is (a) very exciting and (b) a little bit hard to set up. So I have decided to write a guide in Greek, explaining how to contact me in different ways, so that other cousins will have an easier time doing this. For those of you who don't read Greek, you can either skip this post or learn Greek and read it. Here goes...

Λοιπον, υπαρχουν διαφορους τροπους για να επικοινωνητε μαζι μου. Το πρωτο και πιο ευκολο ειναι το email. Εχω μερικα διαφορα email, αλλα ολα φτανουν στο Gmail, που προτιμω. Το email μου ειναι:
Επισης, μπορειτε να με βρειτε στο chat. Για chat, χρησιμοποιο το Google Talk. Ειναι ενα πολυ μικρο, απλο και καλο προγραμμα. Για chat ειναι το the best. Μπορειτε να με βρειτε στο Google Talk με το ιδιο email, δηλαδη του Gmail.

Πρεπει να σας πω μερικα πραγματα για την διαφορα ωρας. Η Ελλαδα ειναι 9 ωρες πισω απο την Αυστραλια, η αν ειναι πιο ευκολο για σας, η Αυστραλια ειναι 9 ωρες μπροστα. Δηλαδη, οταν ειναι 12 μεσανυχτα στην Ελλαδα ειναι 9 το πρωι εδω. Οταν ειναι 12 μεσημερι στην Ελλαδα ειναι 9 το βραδυ εδω.

Τωρα, ειμαι στο πανεπιστημιο καθε μερα απο της 8:30 π.μ. μεχρι 4:30 μ.μ. (ωρα Αυστραλιας). Οταν ειμαι στο πανεπιστημιο, το laptop (και το Google Talk) δουλευει ασταματητα, δηλαδη μπορειτε να με βρειτε πολυ ευκολα. Απο της 5-9 μ.μ. συνηθως δεν ειμαι στο κομπιουτερ. Μετα της 9, μπορει να δουλευω στο σπιτι (στο internet) μεχρι της 12 τα μεσανυχτα.

Ενας τριτος τροπος επικοινωνιας ειναι το Skype. To Skype ειναι ενα προγραμμα που σε αφηνει να τηλεφωνας αλλο κομπιουτερ δωρεαν. Ομως, για να μιλας ενοειται οτι χρειαζεσαι μικροφωνο (Μαρκο, σε εσενα μιλαω Πηρε το παιδι, να μη τον κατηγορω αδικα). Εχω παρει ενα Logitech Internet Chat Headset που εχει και μικροφωνο και ακουστικα μαζι. Αν θελετε να μιλατε μεσο internet αξιζει να παρετε κατι παρομοιο με αυτο. Μπορειτε να με βρειτε στο Skype, με το κανονικο ονομα μου: Mark Antoniou.

Ενας τελευταιος τροπος επικοινωνιας ειναι το video chat αλλα δεν εχω web camera. Ας το αφησουμε αυτο για τωρα. 05/12/2006 Εχω αγορασει μια Logitech QuickCam Pro 4000. Τωρα μπορειτε να μιλατε μαζι μου και να με βλεπετε! Επισης αν παρετε κι εσεις μια web cam θα μπορω κι εγω να σας βλεπω. Για να βλεπωμαστε, μπορειτε να με βρειτε στο Skype, με το κανονικο ονομα μου: Mark Antoniou.

Ελπιζω να σας εχω βοηθησει. Αν εχετε καμια ερωτηση, αφιστε το στα Comments (λιγο πιο κατω).

Zotero, to know you is to love you

This is a guide for installing and setting up Zotero. This is quite possibly the best piece of software, ever. Sit down, take a deep breath and keep reading.

As a PhD student, I spend most of my time searching for, reading, organising, and citing journal articles. Zotero is a free open source citation/reference/bibliography manager. It is a Firefox 2.0 (or later) extension. This means that (a) it's free, (b) it's small (and therefore fast), and (c) you need Firefox to use it. And, it wipes the floor with Endnote.

Now I know what you're all thinking: "Oh, I can't be bothered re-entering all of my references into a new program. I've been using Endnote for years. I've got 200 references in Endnote. It crashes, it's shit, I hate it, but I've taken a library course on it and invested hours in entering references into it. Blah blah blah."

"Why is Zotero better than Endnote?" I hear you ask. Well due to my 10,000 word blog post limit I will keep it brief:

1. It's a Firefox extension, not a program. You never have to leave the browser, which is where you find references, right?;
2. If it recognises a reference in any webpage, one click on the Zotero icon saves the reference (title, author, year, keywords, abstract - whatever) to your library. Here's a list of sites that Zotero supports;
3. In the case that it doesn't recognise a reference, you can download the citation in any of these formats: MODS, Bib Tex, MARC, RDF, RIS, Refer, BiblX, as Zotero recognises all of them! After the download, it takes literally two clicks to import - never copy and paste field-by-field ever again. Never worry about connection or filter files ever again;
   
4. You can organise your references in folders, smart lists (according to criteria), add tags (thank you Lord);
5. You can attach your references to files, links, images, entire web sites - whatever;
6. You can search-as-you-type through your entire library - instant search results;
7. Zotero stores everything on your computer in a subdirectory of your Firefox profile directory, so Zotero can be used offline as well;
8. You can format references in APA, MLA and more styles are coming;
   
9. You can export your library into the formats mentioned above, including the Zotero-native RDF format. This means that you can back up your library at any time and sync it across computers (it gets better and better - I know);
10. You can generate reference lists for any selection of files in your library and output to a RTF or HTML file, copy straight to the clipboard, or print the reference list directly (this is too much, I need to lie down).

The only thing it doesn't do, yet, is integrate directly into your word processor. When it will integrate, in future versions, it will be compatible with more than just MS Word (thank you again Lord).

By now, you should know that you want it. I'm going to assume that you can install Firefox and Zotero on your own - so I'm gonna skip this step. The Zotero homepage has a user guide and FAQ, not that you'll need it. Do you want to know why? Because you can use this software without needing to do a course at the library. It will make sense from the minute you install it because things are where you would expect them to be!

However, importing your Endnote library into Zotero isn't as transparent as it should be. This is of course Endnote's fault, but I refuse to get political. I have put together this foolproof guide below. Follow it religiously.

Importing your Endnote library into Zotero takes about 30 seconds. This is what you do:

1. Download this file and save it to your Styles folder in your Endnote directory which is probably here C:\Program Files\EndNote #\Styles where # = your version number of Endnote.
2. Open your Endnote library in Endnote, and select all of your references (Ctrl+A). Click on the pull-down menu that lets you select the reference format and click Select another style.
3. Scroll to and click on the reference style: Bibtex Export.
4. Click File|Export and export your references to the desktop.
   
5. Import this file into Zotero by clicking on the icon of a cog and selecting this .txt file. That's it. Uninstall Endnote and dance around the office.
   

Useful links:
http://www.mozilla.com/en-US/firefox/
http://www.zotero.org/
ftp://support.isiresearchsoft.com/pub/bibtex/bibtex_export.ens
http://roslidaud.blogspot.com/2006/09/convert-endnote-to-bibtex.html

Confirmed at last! Confirmed at last! Thank God Almighty, I'm confirmed at last!

The day was 3 November. It was a Friday. The time was 11am. The place was the the far side of campus, just past the devil's mum. My Confirmation of Candidature had come.

After my admittedly nervous 17-minute presentation, and an agonising 30-minute wait outside, I fumbled my way through an hour of questions from the panel and came out of it confirmed (pending minor revisions - which apparently almost everyone must do). Shaken and somewhat relieved, I returned to my desk and started spreading the news.

So, what's a Confirmation of Candidature? Well, all research students must complete their Confirmation of Candidature within their first year - it's sort of a probationary period. I've been enrolled for 8 months, and it's good to get it out of the way. Apparently it only gets worse from here. *sigh*