Want to go mad? Try organising a wedding in Greece

Organising a wedding is hard work.

Getting any sort of work done in Greece is hard work.

Trying to organise a wedding in Greece is hard hard work.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Separating work from play: My new speechblog

In an effort to keep the more boring, work-related posts out of this blog, I have created a new blog solely for work purposes. I've had a few complaints about the more techy posts that I've put up - you won't see any more of them here. The new blog will contain my thoughts on speechy things, guides created by me that describe how to use software packages and my tips for productivity, and useful files for other speech science students. The address of my Speechblog is http://markantoniou.blogspot.com.

My ramblings, venting, and poor attempts at humor will continue to appear here. Stay tuned.

Do we still need beauty pageants?

Before I address that question, please allow me to set the scene. The year is 2007. Climate change is a serious problem. Greece is burning to a cinder. An idiot is in charge in the White House. NASA astronauts are traveling across the US in nappies. Australians are worried about horse flu.

Do we really need beauty pageants in this day and age? Are they necessary or even useful? Watch the embedded video and tell me what you think:

Ahh, the irony. In response to a question re: the idiocy of the American population, Miss South Carolina demonstrates said idiocy first hand.

So, do we need beauty pageants? Well, what do they provide? We get to look at pretty women in dresses and swim suits, and then then get to listen to them fumble their way through thirty second, idealistic answers to complex questions (or in this case, simple questions). At the end, a few of them cry and one wears a tiara. Every now and then, a contestant falls on her ass or loses her words, we laugh, it's all good. But, I mean, it's such a waste of time and money.

So why don't we just cut the bullshit? No one cares what the contestants have to say. No one gives a shit. That's why they have the swim suit section. It's all about tits and arse - not that I'm judging pageant viewers. But, if we expect pageant contestants to come up with answers to social, educational and environmental problems, then we're in a whole heap of trouble. Personally, I think we should ban pageants altogether. But, if we keep them, then the format must change.

Emphasis should be placed on efficiency, and giving the people what they want. Under my proposed system, each contestant would have 10 seconds to walk out in a robe, flash the audience, and then get off. This way, we could get through 50 contestants - that's 100 tits and 50 assess - in eight and half minutes. The winner could be crowned as the credits roll. The whole thing would take 10 minutes. It could be on at half time during Friday night football. Noice!

Does anyone really give a shit about horse flu?

Please don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way, but does anyone really give a flying fuck about horse flu? Obviously, I don't want horses to be sick or to suffer. But should this be front page news for four days? Over sixty people have died in Greece - burned alive by bush fires. The death toll will surely rise once authorities get a chance to go through the ruins of burnt houses. Where are our priorities?

Our Primary Industries Minister, Ian Macdonald told reporters, "The implication for the racing industry would be incredibly severe indeed. It is a virtual certainty there would be no races [at Randwick] for a month." What? No races for a month? Say it isn't so.

Federal Agriculture Minister Peter McGauran said it would be a miracle if race meetings went ahead this weekend and suggested that the Melbourne Cup, due to be held on November 6, should be delayed. "It is better to have a deferred Melbourne Cup than to have no Melbourne Cup at all." I say: who gives a shit? It's a fucking horse race! Leave the horses alone for a few weeks so they can get over the flu. Don't gamble for a month. If you absolutely have to gamble your money away, buy a scratchie.

MySpace and Facebook threaten my snobbish way of life

I don't like people. I don't like talking to people. I don't like listening to people. I don't like reading people's misspelled ramblings about their lives. I don't like pretending to care about what they're talking about. This is because I am a snob. I do not think that I am too good for other people. That would be elitist. I just think that other people aren't good enough for me. There is a difference.

This is a simple philosophy that is easy to put into practice. You just don't associate with people that you don't like - don't go to the places that these people frequent, don't answer their calls, don't mix with the same crowds. These tips are real time-savers. This philosophy has served me well for 25 years. Unfortunately, my snobbish way of life now faces a two-pronged threat: MySpace and Facebook.


MySpace and Facebook are social networking sites. They have been designed to allow people to interact and share ideas, photos, links, videos etc. This sounds great, and both sites are extremely popular. I have set up MySpace and Facebook accounts with the intention of recruiting Greek-Australian bilinguals for my research. But now something unexpected is occurring.

People who I used to know are contacting me. Some want to add me as their friend, while others just want to have a chat. This is usually fine. If the person is someone I went to school with, or worked with, we usually exchange hellos and niceties. Perhaps every now and then we catch up - it's kind of nice (but not essential). But what about people who I don't like? What do I do when people who I don't like, people who I despise, people who blow goats try to contact me or try to add me as their friend? What should I do? Is there an established MySpace or Facebook etiquette guide?


My gut reaction is to ignore them and their friend request. If I saw these people on the street I wouldn't hesitate, not for a second, as I passed them by. What should I do with their friend request? I usually do ignore them. But some people are persistent. They try again and again. What do you do then? Do you tell them to fuck off or do you add them to your friend list? Social networking sites are turning snobbery into very hard work. Not answering your phone is easy - it goes away quickly. Invites and messages are less transient. Friend requests trigger messages, and emails, and reminder emails, and so on.

Of course, in the case of ex-girlfriends/boyfriends, the choice is clear: Deny. But what about when the choice is less clear? My solution is to create this blog post and to place a link to it on my Facebook and MySpace profile. Maybe people will find it on their own, read it and take the hint.

How to deal with lost research participants

The stupidity of people never ceases to amaze me. I don't think that a day goes by without me helping some lost research participant find where they are going, find out when they should go there and whom they are going to see.

It's incredible that people volunteer to participate in research, but do not know where it is, what it's about, who it's with, or even when it is. The truth is, that part of the blame lies with us, the researchers. The SONA recruitment system uses 24-hour time. One poor girl was standing outside from 4 until 5:30pm. When I saw her, I asked who she was waiting for, and she told me that she had a 4 o'clock slot. When I checked her print-out, I saw that her research had been scheduled for 14:00. *sigh*

Over time, I have tried a number of different approaches and have found the following series of questions to be the most successful. Please feel free to add to the list. The questions are in order of time-saving-ness.

Participant: Um, excuse me. I'm here for some research thingy.

Researcher:

1. Is the research at MARCS?
2. Do you know who it's with?
3. Do you know what it's about?
4. Do you know when it's on?
5. Do you remember any of the words from the title? they usually say "something about language" ..not helpful
   
6. Do you know anything about the research that might help?
7. What looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like duck?
   
8. Do you know anything?

How to run Roboform 6.9.4 in Flock 0.9.1

I have been using Flock for two weeks. I love it. All of my favourite Firefox extensions work in Flock, except for one. And, it's an important one. The Roboform Toolbar for Firefox is a truly useful and (more importantly) unrivaled extension. No other password manager can match Roboform. I have spent two entire days looking for a (preferably free) Roboform replacement. Let me save you the time. There is no password manager available for Windows XP that can match Roboform in security and convenience.

What is so good about Roboform?
Roboform integrates right into the browser, and requires one click to save a passcard. The next time you visit that website, before you log in, Roboform will bring the appropriate passcard to your attention. Roboform allows you to insert your username and password and log in all with one click. You never have to type that user name and password again.

Roboform works with Internet Explorer and Firefox. This is great because Roboform will log me in to Outlook Web Access (for my MARCS email), even if I open this page in IE Tab, so that the advanced features of Outlook are enabled.

So what's the problem?
Unfortunately, since my migration to Flock a fortnight ago, I have had to go without Roboform. Roboform only supports up to Flock 0.7, and I am running the brand-spanking-new Flock 0.9.1. After two weeks of typing in my Outlook Web Access userID and password manually *shudder*, I am very pleased to announce that I have managed to get the current Roboform 6.9.4 to run in the current Flock 0.9.1. Don't believe me? Check out the screenshot.


Every problem has a solution
There is a browser compatibility page on the Roboform web site. Instead of installing the Flock 0.5.11 - 0.7.* XPI file, install the Firefox 2.0 - 2.0.0.* XPI file. Many Firefox extensions work in Flock, and guess what, this is one of them. Enjoy using Roboform in Flock 0.9.1.

I want a browser like Mark

This is a listing of my favourite Firefox Flock extensions. Consistent with my new "less is more and faster is better" philosophy, I have omitted extensions that were past favourites. I recently removed unnecessary programs from my computer - the same goes for extensions. I will count down the 10 extensions that have survived the transition.

10. Image Zoom - right click zoom on any image. Useful, but not essential.

9. Print/Print Preview - creates a dual function icon; click on printer icon to print or click pulldown menu for print preview.

8. Nuke Anything Enhanced - remove text, images or frames temporarily from a page. Very useful for tidying up pages before printing. Reload page to return to original layout.

7. Downloads in Tab - opens the Flock download manager in a tab instead of an annoying separate window.

6. Paste and Go 2 - paste text into the location and search bars and "go" immediately. One less click for each pasted URL and search term - adds up in the long run.

5. Remember Mismatched Domains - some web sites display a Domain Name Mismatch Security Error. Very annoying if you use Google Reader. I don't know how this happens, and quite frankly, I no longer care. Never see this error again with this beautiful extension.

4. IE Tab - view a page through Internet Explorer eyes. Unfortunately, I need to use IE to enable the advanced features of Outlook Web Access for my MARCS email. With IE Tab I can do this in a Flock tab. Noice!

3. Customize Google - remove ads, switch to secure connections for Google services. If you use Google, Gmail, Google Reader, Google Docs, Google [insert service here], then you need this extension.

2. AdBlock Plus - browse the internet adfree. You only realise the value of AdBlock when you browse the internet without it. Consistent with my bare bones approach, I remove the AdBlock icon from the toolbar. You can still remove ads via right click and access AdBlock Plus options from the Tools menu.

1. Greasemonkey - allows you to install scripts that change the functionality and appearance of web sites. If you use Gmail, you need Greasemonkey. Three Greasemonkey scripts have survived my big cleanout:

1. Gmail label colors
2. Gmail with different attachment icons
3. Gmail inbox: new style, original font/color
   

I want a computer like Mark

People often ask me what software I use and where I find things on the internet. The truth is that I have spent a lot of time tinkering with different programs and online services. This post is for people who ask me these questions, and will also serve as a reference for myself for future hard drive formats.

I have recently changed my approach to computing. I am no longer interested in wow factor. No docks, custom shells, or graphic effects - this goes for the default XP effects too. I now only care about speed and efficiency. I was inspired by a few articles that I read: make XP boot faster from Wikihow and a guide to turning off useless XP services by JasonN.

The key to a quick startup is minimising the number of programs that run automatically at startup. Click the Start button, then Run, and type msconfig. Click on the Startup tab and deselect all of the programs that you do not want to run automatically. I only allow four programs to run at startup: AntiVir, Comodo Firewall Pro, Spyware Doctor, and Directory Opus.

While the Flyakite Mac OSX look is gone, I still place the task bar and start menu at the top of the screen. As I mentioned, I no longer use a dock. Instead, I now have a collection of desktop icons that live permanently at the bottom of the screen. Apart from these shortcuts (and the Recycle Bin), my desktop is clean; the exception being when I am working on a new project - some files might stay on the desktop for a few days before they get filed away or deleted. Here's a screenshot of my desktop:


So what software do I use? I'll break the list down into categories, which make up the folders of my Start Menu.

Internet

• Firefox - has been my browser of choice for a long time (although I suspect that this is on the verge of changing). It is simple yet customisable, and very stable.
• Flock - is a browser based on Firefox that has some interesting features that will appeal to people who use Web 2.0 services such as Flickr, del.icio.us, or Blogger. It is a little buggy, and not ready to take on Firefox yet. But I'm using it right now to write this post... and I like it :) Worth having for the Flickr uploader alone.
  
• Google Talk - my chat application of choice. It is small, simple, doesn't bombard you with ads, and gives Gmail notifications.
  
• Skype - is more bloated than Google Talk, albeit with many more features (fluff). I use Skype when Google Talk chats require video - mostly for overseas. Skype is part of Google Pack.
• Sopcast - watch live sports events over the internet - even sports that are not aired on Australian TV.
• µTorrent - used for downloading files from other users around the world.

Media

• iTunes - my music player of choice. I also use iTunes to rip CDs. I like the coverflow effect, although this doesn't really fit in with my new philosophy of speed over looks. I'm not sure if this will last. I can see myself switching to Songbird in the near future.
• Zoom Player - is an absolutely fantastic video player. The same video file looks better in Zoom Player than in another media player if you have them side-by-side. I don't know how or why. I cannot recommend it enough. Zoom Player is a must-install-program.
  
• QuickTime, RealPlayer, Media Player - I don't use these, but have them installed so that Zoom Player can use their codecs to play their files (better than they play their files - insane, I know).
  
• Nero 6 - burning software that came with my burner. I don't really like it, but it works... and I didn't have to buy it. Nero 7 has come out, but I like that version even less.
  
• DVD Shrink - allows you to copy copy-protected DVDs and (if required) shrink them so that they fit onto a smaller disk. Also, it can remove region encoding so that DVDs are viewable on players from any region (very useful).
• Adobe Premiere Elements - an absolutely fantastic program for editing home movies. Highly recommended.
  
• Paint.NET - my image editor of choice. People often comment on the images that I come up with - they all come out of this program. Who needs Photoshop? Not me.
  
• Photo Toolkit - this software integrates into the Windows Picture and Fax Viewer, allowing the user to manipulate photos and remove redeye. It is very small and fast.
  

Security

• AntiVir - my antivirus software of choice. I had used Avast! for years and was quite happy with it. I switched to AntiVir a few months ago and haven't looked back - it is a superior (and also free) antivirus product. When it updates, it shows an annoying AntiVir splash screen which can be turned off by following these instructions.
• Comodo Firewall Pro - the best firewall for XP... and it's free. In the past, I've tried Zone Alarm, Outpost Pro, and the old Sygate Personal Firewall (before Norton bought it and turned it to shit). I prefer Comodo to all of these firewalls as it is very effective and also transparent, in that it allows the user to see exactly what is going on. Highly recommended.
• Spyware Doctor - an excellent spyware monitor and scanner. If I had to choose out of SpywareBlaster, Spybot, Adaware and this, I would choose Spyware Doctor. Free version comes with Google Pack.
• SpywareBlaster - tries to prevent spyware from being installed on your computer in the first place.
• Spybot - scans your computer and removes spyware. Finds things that Adaware misses.
• Adaware 2007- scans your computer and removes spyware. Finds things that Spybot misses.
  
• PeerGuardian - protects your identity by blocking your IP address when torrenting. Always run PeerGuardian before opening µTorrent.

Utilities

• Directory Opus - my file manager. It replaces Windows Explorer and does so many wonderful things - too many to list here. It makes managing files and folders a breeze. It is a truly wonderful program, and is made by Aussies.
  
• Google Desktop - allows you to search the files on your computer. It indexes your files so that you can find them quickly, without having to go hunting through folders. I always have this running on my laptop, but only open it when I need to use it on my home pc. This is also part of Google Pack.
• IZarc - my archiver of choice. It's free and opens over 50 file types: .zip, .rar, and many more.
• Daemon Tools - a virtual drive emulator that allows you to mount images of backed up DVDs.

Work

• Adobe Acrobat Pro 7 - I'm a researcher. I read a lot of PDFs. Acrobat lets you highlight and comment straight onto a PDF file. Save trees, use Acrobat. Acrobat 8 provides no reason for me to upgrade. It is bloated, slow and crashes more often than version 7. My advice is to buy Acrobat Pro 7 (you can find it cheap if you look hard enough).
• Microsoft Office - I don't like Microsoft Office 2003. It is a very unintuitive collection of software. I only use it because I need to communicate with my supervisor and view her in-document comments. I run Office 2007 on my home pc... I'm unimpressed. I really do not understand why people pay money for Office when they could have OpenOffice.Org for free. For those of you who don't need to use MS Office (most people), I strongly recommend OpenOffice.Org. I will be installing it (and uninstalling MS Office) as soon as I'm finished my PhD.
• SPSS - a statistical analysis program. If you need this program, chances are you've already got it.

Almost all of the software I use is free - the exceptions are Acrobat Pro (no free alternative that allows you to annotate PDFs), MS Office (which sucks), Premiere Elements (which is awesome), Directory Opus (an incredibly useful file manager), and SPSS (need it for work). I'm always on the lookout for free alternatives. If I find any, I'll make sure to update this post.

I am also planning two posts to supplement this one: my picks for the best online services and apps, and my Top 10 Firefox/Flock extensions. Stay tuned.

Making time

I often find myself thinking about the things that I want to do but don't get around to actually doing. Sometimes it's because I don't have enough time to do these things. Other times... well, I don't know. What I do know is that I would like to do more with my time. I'm talking about my work, and also non-work-related stuff.

When you're doing a PhD, it is easy to lose touch with people. It can be an isolating experience. The more you study your topic, the better you become, however, fewer and fewer people can actually follow what you're saying (or are willing to listen to your rants). Even so, the thirst for knowledge and the challenge of knowing more about a given topic than anybody else can become very addictive - and time consuming.

For many months, I would come home from the MARCS labs (usually before Hellas) and get straight on the computer (after having spent the entire day in front of my laptop). I would get so absorbed in what I was doing that before I knew it, it was time for Hellas to go home. I play soccer on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays (and sometimes Fridays) - this doesn't leave me with much spare time. Weeks would literally fly by. I wasn't happy with the way things were going.

I found myself spending less and less time doing things that I enjoy away from work. I love to play soccer (and I was playing plenty of it), to read books, to play my DS, and especially to spend time with Hellas. I don't mean typing a report while she sleeps on my bed - I mean quality time where we don't have to worry about anything else.

After having read a few articles about organising yourself (and your time) better, I decided that I would change my routine, and make time for the things that I want to do. It's still early days yet, however, I can already see a difference in my days (and nights), and the difference is a positive one.

Now, when I come home from the lab, I don't turn the computer on at all. I try not to get caught up in any other tasks or projects (truth be told, I have a ten year plan that I'm working on, but there's no rush). Hellas usually stays for about 3-4 hours, so I make sure that during that time I don't waste time doing things like organising the sock draw or cleaning out my inbox. If we go somewhere together, I leave my mobile at home - and it feels fantastic! Once Hellas leaves for the night, I check my email and pick up where I left off when I came home from work. It's really surprising that I can probably get just as much work done this way as I would if I was on the computer the whole time Hellas was over. I do some of my best work between 10pm-3am - admittedly not every night, sometimes I read a book :) - and this fits in perfectly with my new schedule. During winter, I get out of bed a little later, so I don't sleep in much more than I otherwise would anyway. Plus, it's kind of satisfying knowing that other people are out in the cold while I'm still in my warm bed.

I haven't been following this new philosophy for long, so I don't know if it will stand the test of time. The early signs are encouraging.

Trying to organise my house

My mum (I love her) is a hoarder. She is incapable of throwing things away. Sometimes she intercepts things that I have put in the rubbish before it makes its way to the wheelie bin outside. It's an interesting feeling to see a broken pair of sunglasses sitting on top of the television a month after you threw them out. We live in a three bedroom house - just the two of us. This is part of the problem. We have quite a bit of spare space, which she insists on filling with the most useless things. Part of the problem is the way my mum shops. My mum buys in bulk. While this is fine for, lets say, toilet paper, it doesn't really work for milk. My mum is one of those people who will buy anything as long as it is on special. The spare bedroom and the laundry are full of useless things that are in a permanent state of storage. The fact that she stores a ridiculous amount of things doesn't bother me. What does bother me is the way that she stores things - in large disorganised piles. No, make that mountains. She really is quite hopeless when it comes to decluttering. I don't think that there are any flat surfaces in our home that don't have something 'decorative' on them (vases, statues, fake birds, plastic fruit, whatever).

I decided that enough was enough and took it upon my self to fix the large mess that is my house. I have started with my wardrobe and will then tackle the spare room, followed by the laundry, before finally cleaning out the garage. I have drawn up a timeline and, as of now, have put a ten year plan into effect. See you all back here in 2017 for the results.

I'm off to Greece on 12 October

On 12 October, I will be leaving Australia for around 4 months. I'm going to Athens to collaborate with Professor Antonis Botinis at the National and Kapodistrian University of Athens (say that three times fast). I have received ethics approval from UWS, and have my airplane ticket. It's just a matter of time.

During my stay I need to recruit and record the speech of 8 Greeks, and test the perception of 40 Greeks. I'm hoping that Greek students will be willing to help the new Afstralo in town. We'll see what happens.

Mark and Hellas are engaged

On Saturday 19 May 2007, Hellas and I held our Engagement party at Fontana Amorosa in Liverpool. Greek engagements are pretty big and fancy. We had just over 100 guests - mostly relatives and friends from school, and Hellas had some people from MTC.

It has been kind of weird for us since I proposed in December. To Aussies we were engaged, while to Greeks we were getting engaged (you are engaged only after your engagement party). It was funny when I told my dad that we were engaged last Christmas. His reaction was, "What do you mean? What sort of engagement was that? Oh, alright, show me your ring." - He thought we had the engagement party without him.

Anyways, it's good to be engaged in both cultures. Now people can start hassling us about when we're going to get married. Yay!

Escape from Fenner Hall

It was January 23-28. The year was 2007. I was to attend a workshop for research students at the Australian National University, Canberra. My course fees and airfare had been approved and paid for, however, my choice of accommodation was deemed too expensive, and alternative lodgings were arranged by the MARCS labs. The ANU on-campus rooms were occupied, so they booked me a room at Fenner Hall. The twin towers of Fenner Hall represent student accommodation gone wrong. For those of you who do not believe in hell, you should start believing because I have seen it with my own eyes, and it is called Fenner Hall. I was staying on level three, in cell room 360. Room 360 was two large steps wide and three and a half steps long. Inside was a bed, a wardrobe, a sink/desk, two chairs and a couple of shelves. It was located directly opposite the unisex toilet/bath/shower, and down the hall from the 24 hour laundry with the broken and clattering washing machine. Inside Room 360, the temperature was a constant 30 degrees due to the fact that it was located directly above the kitchen. Level three was home to 6 students and 13 million cockroaches. I was told that you multiply the number of roaches you see by one million (because that's how many you don't see). I saw 13 on my first night. I was also told to fumigate my luggage before I went home so that I don't take the cockies back home. Lovely.

For one week, my days consisted of walking in the freezing Canberra morning air (for 35 minutes) to the ANU campus, where I was met with an 8 hour workshop on statistics and research methods! Then I would have the pleasure of walking back to Fenner Hall in the boiling 35 degree Canberra afternoon sunshine. Upon my arrival, I would inspect my room for any surprise six-legged visitors, then eat something in the communal kitchen/tv room/dirty plate storage area. Afterwards, I would shower in the unisex bathroom/bath/shower before returning to cell room 360 to get dressed. I would spend the evenings watching the Australian Open on the wooden television in the communal kitchen/tv room/dirty plate storage area, before retiring to the bed in cell room 360 which was about 30 cm too short for me and would leave a charming line across the back of my calves when I arose the next morning.

Slowly the minutes became hours, which in turn became days. Friday came and I was ready to break out leave Fenner Hall. I completed the laughable, mandatory form. "Are the following items in your room: Bed, Cupboard, Chair" - these people were serious! Nah, the bed's gone. "Have you vacuumed the room and wiped down all surfaces?" And, they would charge $50 if you hadn't wiped and vacuumed! $50! The room was 3 square metres! I wrote on the form that I had only stayed there for five days and that I was not going to vacuum or wipe anything. In truth, I gave the shelves and the sink/desk a quick once over with my bath towel. I glanced back as I was leaving cell room 360. I stood there for a second, staring at the yellow sweat-outline of a person on the bedsheets. I made for the elevator as I felt an imaginary cockroach crawl down my back. I deposited my magnetic swipe key, access card and form in the returns slot on the ground floor and bolted out the front door... to freedom.

Mark bites the metal and steps on the cat

Mark and Hellas are getting engaged. Print it in the papers. Shout it from the roof tops. Put it on your blog. It's official. But just announcing it like this doesn't begin to do it justice. This event has been building up for years. Of course, we have known for some time we would end up together. However, in the last six months things have really started to cook.

In November, we went to Ron J. Crisp, jeweler on the third floor of the Dymocks building on George Street. Hellas described (in painstaking detail) the kind of engagement ring that she wanted. Ron told us that he would make whatever we wanted and not to worry. Five days later Ron told me that he had found our diamond, better than we had expected and under budget - a good deal. The diamond would be on the next plane out of Antwerp. The ring would be ready before Christmas. I tried throwing Hellas off the scent by telling her that the diamond was coming by ship and that it would be here after Christmas. But how was I going to propose?

I had thought about it many times. I could go all out and do something big and spectacular. But I didn't want to do something cliche and impersonal. I wanted it to be relevant and meaningful to us. I decided that I would do all of the things that Hellas always complained I never did. Believe me, it was quite a list! I decided that I would make the day unspectacular but private and genuine - I would do it at home. My mum spends weekends away, so Hellas and I usually have the house to ourselves. I decided that I would do the unthinkable: I would cook something. Now I know that this may sound unremarkable to most people, but keep in mind that all I know how to make is toast and tea. That's it. I'm not joking. The idea of me using knives and a stove is frightening. I received a call from Ron on Wednesday 13 December saying that the ring would be ready on the coming Tuesday. So Friday 15th was out. That left one Friday before Christmas, the 22nd. The week beginning Monday 18, I had to do a Matlab course at uni. Thinking ahead, I prepared Hellas by telling her that I had class from 9am-5.30pm every day. This would give me time to prepare things on Friday while Hellas would be at work and surprise her when she came over. The plan was coming together nicely. Mind you, the workshop really went from 10.30am-12.30pm. Tuesday came and I picked up the ring. I noticed that the edges didn't have little bumps, called milling. Ron told me that he could do it while I waited. I wanted to check with Hellas just to make sure. That night, I had a conversation with Hellas about what my wedding band would look like:
Mark: "Will it match your engagement ring?"
Hellas: "You mean the milling?"
Jackpot! "Yeah, um, tell me about that - what does it look like?" And Hellas spilt the beans. The following day I was back at the Dymocks building. Ron fixed the ring as I waited, and I took the ring home. "How was your course today babe?" "Good thanks." ;)

That night, my mum dropped the bombshell. She wouldn't be leaving until Saturday lunch time. "Why not?" "I've got things to do." Shit. Friday's out. What could I do? I've got a ring sitting in my draw. I waited till Hellas went home and started hatching another devious plan. I would wait until my mum left and go ahead with my original plan, but on Saturday 23rd at luch time. I told Hellas that after my course I would stay home on Friday and do some PhD work, and that I would get her on Saturday and take her out for lunch. She believed my lies. Fantastic! Friday came and someone from Hellas' work was leaving. We were invited to Friday night farewell drinks. But I had imaginary uni work to do. I bitched and moaned about going, but there was no getting out of it. I still had to keep the deception believable. We went in Hellas' car. I offered to be the designated driver. She got drunk (on one Midori) so I took her home and drove to my house in her car. I now had both cars. Things were coming together very nicely. I told Hellas that I'd call her when I woke up.

I woke up at 8 o'clock on Saturday morning, got changed and went to the shops. I bought 5 souvlakia, 3 tomatoes, 2 cucumbers, a Spanish onion, pesto, chocolate ice cream, fudge, bread, and tealight candles. Shit. I couldn't find any banana gelato. They only had lime gelato. Who the fuck eats lime gelato? I started freaking out. In a moment of inspiration, I grabbed a box of 10 banana Paddlepops. On the way out, I grabbed a bunch of flowers from the florist too. I sped home and hid the groceries in the draws of my desk. The time was 9.35am. Now all I had to do was wait for my mum to come home and get her out fast. She came home at 10.15. Plenty of time. At 10.30am, I called Hellas and put on a sleepy voice: "I just woke up babe *yawn* pick you up at 12:30-1pm, ok? Bye." I thought that I should suss my mum out, just to be safe. "Mum, I'm leaving at 12.30." "I'll probably still be around then." WHAT? "I need to fix the bed and vacuum the house." WHAT? She started washing the dishes. I started sweating. I had to act, now. I went into her bed room and fixed the bed. I also tidied my own bed. Then I sat on the computer and created a playlist of Hellas' favourite romantic songs. "Mark, did you fix the bed?" My mum was staring at me in disbelief. I asked if she needed help with anything else. Vacuuming! I got the vacuum cleaner from the laundry. As I was searching for a power point, I realised that I didn't have the faintest idea of what I was doing. Lets just say that I managed to plug it in, then what? How would I turn it on? "Are you trying to get rid of me, Mark?" "Don't be silly, mum." Get out now! She finished her chores and was out the door by 12 with a confused look on her face. It was time to start preparing.

I leapt out of my chair, cleared the small table in the backyard and brought it inside. I placed the food in the right places, chopped the tomatoes and onion, prepared the Greek salad. I placed candles down the hallway and scattered flowers down the hallway, too. Everything was ready.

I picked Hellas up and pretended to be super stressed out about my work. "I'm in a foul mood." I swore at other drivers and snapped at Hellas: "Are you trying to piss me off?" She went quiet, and later told me that she nearly cried. Maybe I went a little overboard. I wanted to throw her off the scent. I did. "I forgot my wallet. I'll stop at home for two seconds and get it." I went inside, lit the candles, and went back outside. "I can't find my wallet. We're not going anywhere. Come in, or stay in the car. I don't care." As Hellas walked up the stairs, no doubt questioning my sanity, I clicked Play and her song began. As she stepped inside the front door, she smiled. She saw the candles and heard her song. I led her in and sat her down. She loved her flowers. I made bruschetta and put the souvlakia to cook. We drank wine and finished the bruschetta. Soon the souvlakia were ready., and we had them with Greek salad. I prepared her favourite dessert: banana split. I had bought special tear-shaped bowls, sliced bananas down the middle, and added chocolate ice cream and banana Paddlepop sliced off the bone paddlepop stick. Hellas couldn't believe it. She thought it was a dream. She had been waiting so long for everything. It was then that I asked her. She couldn't respond. She was wearing the ring but hadn't said yes. I asked her just to make sure. "Yes."

Becoming Greek(er)

You know, I've always considered myself to be Greek. I've never called myself Australian. I'm not sure why. Of course, when you're a kid, you don't really think about these sorts of things. But I remember asking myself one day "if I had to play for a national soccer team, would I play for Australia or Greece?" - a question that I took very seriously. "Of course you'd play for Greece," my sister reassured me. She was right, too. However, having grown up in Australia, some things about me just weren't quite right. I could never put my finger on it, but there was always something there, something you can't name, but can feel. I'm going to call it unGreekness. Now I know what you're thinking: surely that can't be right, not Mark, this must be a mistake. But alas, it is the truth. There have always been a few things about me that have been fundamentally unGreek. The things that I am talking about may seem insignificant or trivial to a xeno, but to a Greek, make that a true Greek, they are of unfathomable importance. By no means was I the only one lacking crucial Greek ingredients. Having attended a Greek highschool I can tell you that there are many unGreeks. But you should not despair, for there is hope. I am living proof. Keep reading my Australian friends, and Greeks, you too will benefit from the reminders that lie ahead. I invite you all on a journey with me as I take you through Marko's guide to becoming Greeker.

1. Now, as you probably know, my girlfriend Hellas and I have been together for a little over 5 years. If, my friends, you feel any doubt (no matter how small) re: your Greekness, the first step, your main goal, your number one priority, your goal in life is... to go out and find yourself a woman. Not just any woman. Just any woman will not do. You need a hot woman. You need a fast woman. You need a passion woman. You need an emotion woman. You need a Greek woman. And they don't come any Greeker than a woman named Hellas. She is Greece! Once you've got one, move on to step 2.
   
   
2. If you're really gonna be Greek, you're gonna need to learn how to eat. Don't start telling me you know how to eat already. You don't. Do you eat souvlaki (do not call it meat on a stick)? Do you eat taramosalata (do not call it pink fish egg dip)? Do you eat tzatziki (do not call it garlic sauce)? Do you eat olives? Do you eat feta cheese? Do you eat octopus? Is your table covered with a tablecloth? Do you marinate everything with lemon, garlic, olive oil and oregano? Do you eat bread with every meal? I'm not talking about Tip Top, I mean real bread. Do you tear the bread with your hands? Do you put the bread in your food? Do you eat yoghurt? Ski doesn't count, I mean real yoghurt? Do you eat bougatsa?
   If you answered "No" to any of the above questions read very carefully: you do not know how to eat. But don't lose heart. There is hope. Remember that woman you went out and got in Step 1? Well, she will slowly make you try all of the foods that you don't eat. Before you know it, you will be eating tarama, olives and tzatziki like a Greek native. It's a good thing, it will put hair on your chest. Once you've given up the battered savs and chiko rolls, move on to step 3.
   
   
3. Ok, up to this point it's been pretty easy. Finding a woman isn't the hardest thing in the world, and learning to eat is a simple behaviour modification exercise. However, this next step is the hardest of all. It is so difficult that I have broken it down into subsections. It is difficult because it is so internalised by all Greeks that it may be difficult for unGreeks to learn. As an overall characteristic of Greekness, I will call it manner. The first element (or subsection) of Greek manner is learning to use a complex system of hand gestures to complement every word that is coming out of your mouth. These movements should be sudden, far reaching, and occurring frequently. Two Greek people in a tight space such as an elevator will not speak to each other because there isn't sufficient arm room. So far, it has taken me about six hours to type up this post exactly because I am trying to gesture with my arms while typing. This skill is very difficult to master. My advice is to try to observe Greek people while they are talking and monitor their hand gestures closely. It is advisable that you find a Greek person speaking on a phone as they will most certainly be gesturing but won't be moving about too much, giving you time to take down notes.
   
   The second element of Greek manner is intonation. I can not emphasise how important intonation is. Whenever you are mad, excited, happy, proud, worried, confused, hungry, full, disgusted, or turned on, there is a corresponding Greek intonation that must be followed very strictly.
   
   The final element that will be described in this guide is learning the many strange Greek sayings. Greek has an idiom for everything. While there are too many to list here, I will provide you with a few of my favourites, translated into English, accompanied by English descriptions. I hope this guide has been helpful to you. The take home message is that it's never too late, no matter how Australian you are. Together we can make the world a Greeker place.

• at the devil's mum - a place far away
• your bad weather - I don't care much for your opinions or wants
• three are singing, two are dancing - something's not right / that's insane
  
• it fucks - I really like it / I think it's really good
• like a vagina hat - not feeling the best
• I come from the city, and at the mountain cinnamon - we're having trouble communicating
• as much as the goat pees - a little bit
• it's raining over there - this guy's got no clue
• you explode a donkey - you're quite challenging to communicate with
• I shat myself - I couldn't care less
• chairlegs are falling - it's raining heavily
• to bite the metal - to fall in love
• you stepped on the cat - you made an error
• devil black - I can't believe it
• the bad time's - not good / jinxed / evil
  
• the prostitute's baluster - chaos / havoc
• I'll fart on your balls - I don't like you much / I may hurt you
• I'll break you at wood - I will bash you
• you've taken a lot of air - you're speaking disrespectful
  

Contact Marko

Over the past few days, I have been communicating with my cousin Markos Ntasios from Thessaloniki using Google Talk and Skype. This is (a) very exciting and (b) a little bit hard to set up. So I have decided to write a guide in Greek, explaining how to contact me in different ways, so that other cousins will have an easier time doing this. For those of you who don't read Greek, you can either skip this post or learn Greek and read it. Here goes...

Λοιπον, υπαρχουν διαφορους τροπους για να επικοινωνητε μαζι μου. Το πρωτο και πιο ευκολο ειναι το email. Εχω μερικα διαφορα email, αλλα ολα φτανουν στο Gmail, που προτιμω. Το email μου ειναι:
Επισης, μπορειτε να με βρειτε στο chat. Για chat, χρησιμοποιο το Google Talk. Ειναι ενα πολυ μικρο, απλο και καλο προγραμμα. Για chat ειναι το the best. Μπορειτε να με βρειτε στο Google Talk με το ιδιο email, δηλαδη του Gmail.

Πρεπει να σας πω μερικα πραγματα για την διαφορα ωρας. Η Ελλαδα ειναι 9 ωρες πισω απο την Αυστραλια, η αν ειναι πιο ευκολο για σας, η Αυστραλια ειναι 9 ωρες μπροστα. Δηλαδη, οταν ειναι 12 μεσανυχτα στην Ελλαδα ειναι 9 το πρωι εδω. Οταν ειναι 12 μεσημερι στην Ελλαδα ειναι 9 το βραδυ εδω.

Τωρα, ειμαι στο πανεπιστημιο καθε μερα απο της 8:30 π.μ. μεχρι 4:30 μ.μ. (ωρα Αυστραλιας). Οταν ειμαι στο πανεπιστημιο, το laptop (και το Google Talk) δουλευει ασταματητα, δηλαδη μπορειτε να με βρειτε πολυ ευκολα. Απο της 5-9 μ.μ. συνηθως δεν ειμαι στο κομπιουτερ. Μετα της 9, μπορει να δουλευω στο σπιτι (στο internet) μεχρι της 12 τα μεσανυχτα.

Ενας τριτος τροπος επικοινωνιας ειναι το Skype. To Skype ειναι ενα προγραμμα που σε αφηνει να τηλεφωνας αλλο κομπιουτερ δωρεαν. Ομως, για να μιλας ενοειται οτι χρειαζεσαι μικροφωνο (Μαρκο, σε εσενα μιλαω Πηρε το παιδι, να μη τον κατηγορω αδικα). Εχω παρει ενα Logitech Internet Chat Headset που εχει και μικροφωνο και ακουστικα μαζι. Αν θελετε να μιλατε μεσο internet αξιζει να παρετε κατι παρομοιο με αυτο. Μπορειτε να με βρειτε στο Skype, με το κανονικο ονομα μου: Mark Antoniou.

Ενας τελευταιος τροπος επικοινωνιας ειναι το video chat αλλα δεν εχω web camera. Ας το αφησουμε αυτο για τωρα. 05/12/2006 Εχω αγορασει μια Logitech QuickCam Pro 4000. Τωρα μπορειτε να μιλατε μαζι μου και να με βλεπετε! Επισης αν παρετε κι εσεις μια web cam θα μπορω κι εγω να σας βλεπω. Για να βλεπωμαστε, μπορειτε να με βρειτε στο Skype, με το κανονικο ονομα μου: Mark Antoniou.

Ελπιζω να σας εχω βοηθησει. Αν εχετε καμια ερωτηση, αφιστε το στα Comments (λιγο πιο κατω).

Zotero, to know you is to love you

This is a guide for installing and setting up Zotero. This is quite possibly the best piece of software, ever. Sit down, take a deep breath and keep reading.

As a PhD student, I spend most of my time searching for, reading, organising, and citing journal articles. Zotero is a free open source citation/reference/bibliography manager. It is a Firefox 2.0 (or later) extension. This means that (a) it's free, (b) it's small (and therefore fast), and (c) you need Firefox to use it. And, it wipes the floor with Endnote.

Now I know what you're all thinking: "Oh, I can't be bothered re-entering all of my references into a new program. I've been using Endnote for years. I've got 200 references in Endnote. It crashes, it's shit, I hate it, but I've taken a library course on it and invested hours in entering references into it. Blah blah blah."

"Why is Zotero better than Endnote?" I hear you ask. Well due to my 10,000 word blog post limit I will keep it brief:

1. It's a Firefox extension, not a program. You never have to leave the browser, which is where you find references, right?;
2. If it recognises a reference in any webpage, one click on the Zotero icon saves the reference (title, author, year, keywords, abstract - whatever) to your library. Here's a list of sites that Zotero supports;
3. In the case that it doesn't recognise a reference, you can download the citation in any of these formats: MODS, Bib Tex, MARC, RDF, RIS, Refer, BiblX, as Zotero recognises all of them! After the download, it takes literally two clicks to import - never copy and paste field-by-field ever again. Never worry about connection or filter files ever again;
   
4. You can organise your references in folders, smart lists (according to criteria), add tags (thank you Lord);
5. You can attach your references to files, links, images, entire web sites - whatever;
6. You can search-as-you-type through your entire library - instant search results;
7. Zotero stores everything on your computer in a subdirectory of your Firefox profile directory, so Zotero can be used offline as well;
8. You can format references in APA, MLA and more styles are coming;
   
9. You can export your library into the formats mentioned above, including the Zotero-native RDF format. This means that you can back up your library at any time and sync it across computers (it gets better and better - I know);
10. You can generate reference lists for any selection of files in your library and output to a RTF or HTML file, copy straight to the clipboard, or print the reference list directly (this is too much, I need to lie down).

The only thing it doesn't do, yet, is integrate directly into your word processor. When it will integrate, in future versions, it will be compatible with more than just MS Word (thank you again Lord).

By now, you should know that you want it. I'm going to assume that you can install Firefox and Zotero on your own - so I'm gonna skip this step. The Zotero homepage has a user guide and FAQ, not that you'll need it. Do you want to know why? Because you can use this software without needing to do a course at the library. It will make sense from the minute you install it because things are where you would expect them to be!

However, importing your Endnote library into Zotero isn't as transparent as it should be. This is of course Endnote's fault, but I refuse to get political. I have put together this foolproof guide below. Follow it religiously.

Importing your Endnote library into Zotero takes about 30 seconds. This is what you do:

1. Download this file and save it to your Styles folder in your Endnote directory which is probably here C:\Program Files\EndNote #\Styles where # = your version number of Endnote.
2. Open your Endnote library in Endnote, and select all of your references (Ctrl+A). Click on the pull-down menu that lets you select the reference format and click Select another style.
3. Scroll to and click on the reference style: Bibtex Export.
4. Click File|Export and export your references to the desktop.
   
5. Import this file into Zotero by clicking on the icon of a cog and selecting this .txt file. That's it. Uninstall Endnote and dance around the office.
   

Useful links:
http://www.mozilla.com/en-US/firefox/
http://www.zotero.org/
ftp://support.isiresearchsoft.com/pub/bibtex/bibtex_export.ens
http://roslidaud.blogspot.com/2006/09/convert-endnote-to-bibtex.html

Confirmed at last! Confirmed at last! Thank God Almighty, I'm confirmed at last!

The day was 3 November. It was a Friday. The time was 11am. The place was the the far side of campus, just past the devil's mum. My Confirmation of Candidature had come.

After my admittedly nervous 17-minute presentation, and an agonising 30-minute wait outside, I fumbled my way through an hour of questions from the panel and came out of it confirmed (pending minor revisions - which apparently almost everyone must do). Shaken and somewhat relieved, I returned to my desk and started spreading the news.

So, what's a Confirmation of Candidature? Well, all research students must complete their Confirmation of Candidature within their first year - it's sort of a probationary period. I've been enrolled for 8 months, and it's good to get it out of the way. Apparently it only gets worse from here. *sigh*

Markos Wedding Videography

On Sunday 1st October 2006 I shot my first wedding. Using my trusty Panasonic PV-GS400 and tripod, I filmed at both houses, the church, the photography session and the reception. I ended up with 2 hours and 40 minutes of raw footage, which I will edit and make pretty.

I am available for weddings, engagements, christenings, birthdays, graduations, births and other social functions. To make a booking, leave the event date and details in the comments section.